Speak Up
"Go on. Say it."
— Remember, MK Spiritual Team
What do you need to speak up about today?
My entire life, as a Hmong daughter, I was taught to obey. To never speak against my parents and elders, and to never question their decisions. Through the 16 years of my mental health journey I really questioned if my existence was worthy, if my opinions matter, if my voice matters. I had extremely low self esteem.
I found it confusing when I got encouraged to speak out in public but in my own home I wasn't able to do so.
Whenever I want to speak in public or ask questions I fear judgment. I fear getting into trouble once I'm home. I fear feeling stupid and dumb because that's what I was taught at home.
When I started my reflection journey, a chapter to my self healing journey, I found my voice again. I reconnected with that energy. I was unstoppable but it was extremely draining. It felt like I was at war every day because, to those that weren't able to accept this side of me, I am a rebel.
When I found out I was gifted two Summers ago, the very first thing my guides encouraged me to do was speak. Every time someone tries to shut me out, they would say to me, "Go on. Say it."
In the Hmong community, especially when speaking with elders about sensitive topics such as mental health issues or spirituality, it was considered shameful or a taboo. No one wants to confront this sort of topic because we fear being called crazy or looked down upon.
I remembered when I was going through my awakening, all of these buried questions I had started coming out again. I started asking them again and at times I would be told, "I don't know. Why do you want to know so much?"
When I started sharing about my spiritual journey, I was told by someone very close to me, "You better be quiet if anyone else hears it they're going to shame you and think you're a crazy person." I knew the intention was pure but it was quite sad that I can't even talk about these topics in my own home without getting shut out.
Nevertheless, my spiritual team stood by my side and always grounded me. They reassured me that it is safe to speak up and speak about it.
Nowadays, those who dislike what I do or say may like to say that I am out of control and more wild than ever. But, I like to think I'm right where I belong doing what I should be doing.
Throughout my Shamanic journey there were multiple times I awoke from my dream coughing. It was either a sign that I needed to re-activate my throat chakra because I had a new mission to complete, or it was a sign that communication was coming through.
Last night I went to bed meaning to ask, "What did I do wrong?” It, however, came out as, "What do I need to do?" This morning at 5am a message came through. Through the action in the dream, I was told to keep seeking, to keep asking, and to keep trying. Through the voices in the dream I was told, "Promote, keep promoting." Right as the dream ended I started coughing. My coughing continued until I got out of bed.
Right before I opened my eyes, I saw, in a black background with white writings, the words, "...speak up…"
Everyone experiences life differently but if you found this post today, I pray that no matter what happens to you you'll never lose your voice, never lose yourself. May you find the strength to keep yourself grounded, to keep fighting for yourself, and to keep choosing yourself. Keep being you even when the whole world tells you you shouldn't. No one knows who you are and what you should be doing other than yourself. The answers lies within you.
