One Last Time

"I don't know who you are. I don't remember you. I'm here for my grandchild's graduation."

— Grandpa

Today is the last day of the year. How are you closing your year?

I am closing mine with closure.

Here is my closure story as I seal my year.

The last time I saw my grandpa was when I was 6 years old. I considered him my best friend. Someone I can be myself around and someone I can learn from. I loved following him around when I was little, especially to the temple and to the garden.

My grandpa passed away when I was 9 years old. I was broken.

Never got to say goodbye to him.

Never got to thanked him.

Never got to care for him.

Never got to see him again.

Every year near his day of rest I experience an emotion of grief out of the blue. I wouldn't recognized the reason until his day of rest pass.

Some say when you missed someone, you dream of them. You see them and you feel them for they're never really gone.

There were so many times I cried for him and wished to see him. Never saw him but I knew he was near.

Once around my high school or college years, did I dreamed about him. I finally got to see him again.

In the dream my family and I were at a someone's graduation. Across from the crowd I spotted my grandpa. I went up to him and asked if he remembered me. He said, "I don't know who you are. I don't remember you. I'm here for my grandchild's graduation." The excitement in my eyes dimmed and I stepped away. His family gathered around him to take pictures.

I woke up from the dream feeling crushed. It took me a while to rebalance myself. I accepted the dream as a message telling me that he had gone through reincarnation already.

When I started my shamanic journey, the first person I thought of was him. I saw similar figures that resemble him but a part of me knew it wasn't him. It was my guides trying to get my attention.

There were so many plans to visit him but none happened.

This year we were told that he had already been reincarnated and is now a father to a little a boy. He's living a good life.

Earlier this morning I had a dream about him. In the dream he had woken up from his coma. I followed him around - like the good old days; and took him to his doctor visits. He never spoke to me but I got my closure. I got to say my goodbye, got to thank him, got to care for him, and most importantly got to see him for one last time.

I had long accepted the fact that I will never see him again then this dream happened.

Aside from closure, it provided a lot of clarity for me and it also held a very important message for me regarding the ones currently still living and in my life.

We all grief and healed differently. When we're on our self healing journey once we had healed from our most traumatic wounds, our others layers will slowly reveal itself and there we shift our focus and will slowly work on healing those other wounds.

Remember learning, healing and growing are all eternal.

As the year is coming to end, may you find the closure and the healing you've been seeking for. May the New Year bring you lots of warmth, joy and happiness.

May the New Year bring you all that you've been manifesting for.