One Day or Day 1
MK Project Black Out
Many wondered why I did what I did. Majority misunderstood my intention. Some asked. Only a few listened.
When I re-navigated my life the world was against me. So many times I’d even asked myself if I’d made the right decision.
Here I am, two years later. Happier than ever and more at peace than I’ve ever been. There may still be moments of struggles but I’ve never felt so free. I’m learning so much and actually feel like I’m growing and not being pressure to grow.
I used to say to myself, “One day I’m going to do this,” “One day I’m going to do that.”
I used to say to myself,
“One day I'm going to put myself first. When that day comes and I choose myself. A lot people will be hurt. The world will not understand. The bad guy will be me. To the world I will be the enemy. That's the day I will have risen fully to be the warrior I was born to be.
When that day come. It will be my day 1. The day I shine out from the darkness that has been controlling my life.
When that day come. I will remember everything yet my emotions will be numbed. That day is the day I have chosen to move on…”
That day is today. That day was September of 2019.
One of the things I used to love to do was prove people wrong. Their validation was SO important to me. Meeting their expectations got me so drained. So so so drained that every single moment I was living in feels like I was experiencing one black out after another, emotionally and mentally. Now, I don’t even care anymore. Their opinions, gossips, negative energy. None of that matters.
Over and over again, I’ve learned to be independent. My feelings were numbed out. Yet, many wondered why I have trust issues.
Nights after nights had I gone to bed crying myself to sleep trying to not make any sound so others would know I was crying. Yet, many wondered by I’m so quiet.
I’ve learned to be SO firm and thick skin that at times I even wondered if I’m still human.
The decision that I made back in September of 2019 and the choices I’m making today may look rash but no one knows that I have spent months even years thinking about it.
I have had mental health issues for 16 years without knowing. By this point I had gone through multiple minor break downs but the moment I realized what my issue was, my life stops in time. I took so many long walks down my memory lanes to in order to grasp an understanding of everything I’ve gone through and of every feelings I’d ever felt.
That, that took me 2 months. One of the many conclusion that came to be was that I was carrying the unnecessary burdens of others. I’d realized I was never afraid to open myself up and to be judged upon. Instead, I was afraid the people around me would lose their face and be judged upon because of my words and actions. Because, I knew how much their pride means to them.
That moment was my one day.
That day was my day 1.
Today is day 1.
Here I am, today, at peace and happier.
My words to You
I don’t know what you’re situation is or what you’re feeling but I do want you to know that anything is possible. If I can do it, you can too. Know that you are more powerful than you think you are. Know that you are more valuable than how you view yourself. Please know that you are not alone and remember your one day starts with you.
You don’t need to carry the burdens of others on your shoulder. That’s not your responsibility. You are your responsibility. You are your day 1 so today, should be your one day. The day you celebrate yourself.
I pray that you will received the strength to keeping pushing through your darken days and I asked that you will find the courage to fight for yourself.
This world is messy place but once you get out of where you’ve been you’ll see that it’s a beautiful world that we live in. Hang on tight.
Many blessings,
MK
