My Power Story

My name is Mai Ka (MK) and this is #mypowerstorymytruth to the #rewriteyourstorychallenge in celebration of #mentalhealthawarenessmonth.

The intention of sharing my story is to shed some light on topic of #mentalhealth and to let others know that yes it is real but it's not meant to last. Things can be turned around. We are not prisoners of our past.

I grew up in a strict and traditional household, where the only thing I can do is shut my mouth and do as I was told.

I grew up in a strict and traditional community where if I express my opinion or do something out of the norm, I'm a rebel.

I grew up in a strict and traditional environment where the voice and opinions of kids and women don't matter.

I grew up in a home where home was nowhere to be found.

I grew up in a place where I am in debt the moment I came down to this world and because of that I have to be their puppet.

From a young age I was groomed to please people and to be a "good" traditional housewife.

From a young age I was groomed to save another's pride and joy or else punishment is my end.

From a young age my ears were filled with never ending words of "discipline."

From a young age, the moment I start school I'm now an "adult" but will forever be treated as and only hold the rights of a "child."

From a young age I was surrounded by a majority of controlling, physically abusive, manipulative, and narcissistic people.

From a young age I was abused physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

From a young age, generational trauma bled onto me.

From a young age I was the black sheep of the family and anyone who followed me would become one as well.

From a young age I was confused.

When I'm outside I'm allowed to be expressive and creative. I was given the right to speak and ask questions. I was free to act my age and to be me. But, when I'm "home" it all wouldn't matter.

From a young age I was told it was "tough love." How I wish I never experienced such a thing. I wouldn't have asked for it even if I were to never know what it is.

From a young age I thought my experiences were normal and since no one was talking I was embarrassed to talk about my own experiences.

From a young age I was depressed.

I blamed myself for my suffering and for the sufferings of others.

As a teen I wore different masks.

All bright and bubbly throughout the day only to soak my pillow at night.

As a teen I wondered:

Will this be the reality of my entire life?

What did I do to deserve this?

Will I ever get out of this?

Will I ever be free?

What does it feel like to be in a different environment?

While I was growing up not all was bad.

I was blessed to know moments of joy.

I walked freely connecting with the earth.

I had friends and frenemies.

I observed and followed people I know around.

I learned, first, hands on - from basket weaving to gardening to house work.

From a young age I matured. I know of more life skills than anybody could possibly think of and went through more than anyone could have guessed. I am wise beyond my years.

From a young age the sky was my limit. Everywhere I went was a chance to make friends and an opportunity to learn something new. There, I met many amazing people who introduced me to a life better than the one I'm used to. There, I met wonderful people who inspired me to redefine everything I've known. There, I found hope in humanity again.

From a young age, the temple was my home. A place of family gathering. A place of diversity and acceptance. A place to find answers. It was a place of solitude and harmony. A place of celebration.

Once upon a time monks were my friends.

Once upon a time my grandfather was my best friend.

Once upon a time I wished I could grow up quickly so I can have access to freedom. The freedom I once heard of and seen from a distance.

From sorrows to blessings life is filled with miracles.

From desperation to fulfillment I lived, I learned, and I grew.

From frustration to hopelessness, I reconnect with my intuition.

From anxiety to tiredness, I regain my strength.

From worthlessness to voicelessness, I reclaim my personal power.

I took back my birthrights, set my boundaries, and stood my ground.

16 years of depression and I am inspired. All is history.

25 years of living and I'm only transitioning out of such tough chapters but I've been through it all and know I can do it again. Let's just hope history won't repeat itself once this chapter closes.

I am now mentally stronger than before. A bit exhausted but unwavering.

I seal my every experience with gratitude. Walking forth with those who love and care for me. Investing in my dreams, in myself, and in those that deserve my time and attention. No longer in denial due to fear I accept all life blessings with open arms.

I am far from a b**** and not even close to being one but to those that dislike me I will always be one. So cheers 🥂, cheers to the little devil in me.

Gratitude: Thank you to all who watched me grow up and was with me every step of the way. I love and appreciate you all. Each of you are my inspiration and my savior. No words can describe how grateful I am for you. I thank God every day for each of you and ask that He will continue to guide and protect you, and most importantly bless you.

For those of you on a healing journey:

Keep working on becoming a better version of yourself. You don't know who you are until you unlearn everything you've been conditioned to learn. Life isn't perfect. You aren't perfect. That's the beauty of this entire experience. It's about embracing the flaw in you and growing from who you were yesterday.

When you know who you are and you set your boundaries. People will turn against you and it'll still hurt you mentally and emotionally but the harm is less compared to the hurt you'll experience if you were to stay stuck.

I pray that no matter where you are in your healing journey that you will always find the strength and guidance you need to keep going. May your light always keep you warm. You are not alone.